i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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