hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
