I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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