You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
