Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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