tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
