I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
