Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
