You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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