He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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