i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
