i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
the raccoons are back...
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