he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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