Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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