I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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