People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
