Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
