i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
