Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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