he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
