she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
