Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That accounts for only three of the penises
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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