You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
