sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
