i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
