Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
