Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
