What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
