I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
