i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
