i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
