I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
