3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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