i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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