OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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