He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
