Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
