I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
