We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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