Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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