why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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