I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
