AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
