I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
