We're facebook friends in real life
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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