My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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