Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
