so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
