sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
