apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
