He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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