allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize