Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
