first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
