a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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