Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
