M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
