just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
