I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize