You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
