we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
